My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
