You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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