Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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