that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
