Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
