It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
