Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
