If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
