I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
