Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm both gender and math confused
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
