Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize