Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
