ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
