went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
