Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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