I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
