The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
