hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
