I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize