i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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