dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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