Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
