yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
