You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
