Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We are two peas in an std pod
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
