first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
