so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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