if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
