i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
