Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
