babies were throwing up all over the place
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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