I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
