my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
