This show inspires me to have sex in space
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
