What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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