Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
