i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
