Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize