i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
