Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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