I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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