I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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