Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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