Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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