What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
