I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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