You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
