so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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