I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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