Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
