My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
