Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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