If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my vagina is haunted
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
