you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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