is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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