Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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