i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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