Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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