Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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