did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
