Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
