Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
