how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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