I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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