I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
