You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
