standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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