"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
