"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
