How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize