at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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