I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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