Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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