my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
