I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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