**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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