Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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