Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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(304): View more from West Virginia

His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

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(727): View more from Florida

Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs

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(541): View more from Oregon

She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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(207): View more from Maine

He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.

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