tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
