i barfeds in our rink
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize