yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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